Nothing's Impossible Except For Dinosaurs.

Huzzah!

The downside to multiple Thanksgiving feasts is neither of us enjoys Thanksgiving, or its food, in the least.  But we still have to bend around our schedules and try to make it to both (which one of us will inevitably miss).  

Keep your gravy boat, I don’t have time for the food coma this year!

I forget.

I ranted a lot about work here and then realized it was a really long post.

Basically, this whole “being a college student” while having a dumb serving job, and another “on-call” IT job is not working out the way I wanted, because the boss of DSJ is a dicklord and I can’t handle him not liking me.  So I will fight with him when he degrades me for no conceivable reasons, and wish I had a place to bitch about it other than tumblr, which I forget about except for once every few months.  

Comma comma comma my father on facebook is just as bad as I feared it might be and my entire family is driving me insane asking for computer help now that they think I’m a real technician and my cat is having severe separation anxiety issues and is driving Cody insane while I’m gone and then yelling at me every second I’m not holding him and I just wish my wisdom teeth would stop coming in while my ulcers flare up again and good lord I need a beer or five.

Also, a coworker hooked me up with this “hosting gig” where I will be given free booze and food to “network” with people while I serve them at some fancy Overland Park holiday party for a very generous sum.  I’m willing to get paid to get drunk, but what concerns me is the “networking.”  Corporate America is taking over, and my student loans still haven’t come in.  Though stupid boss called me a “starving artist” tonight and despite knowing literally nothing about me, it tickled my heart that he considers me such.  I’d much rather be a starving artist than this.

sorry tumblr.

I used to think things would just begin to happen.  Imagining myself under big city skies, I felt the wind drag across my skin and set in the bags under my eyes.  Everything was complicated because they needed to be so I could write novels of poetry about the sorrow in my bones.  Everything that changed happened so rapidly, so freely, and nothing was difficult at all.  We imagine these fights for love, a never-ending tale of cat and mouse on each other’s tongues, but things don’t happen that way.  It was when I stopped writing that my life began.  It was getting out of my house and listening that created me.  I miss creativity and the metaphors that felt like they just bled out of my fingertips, but the agony can stay swept in shadowed corners. 

My soul mate came to me through mutual friends.  There were no expectations because I was so depressed and full of self-loathing that I never imagined someone would want to be involved with me romantically.  It just happened and everything made sense. 

Love used to be so painfully eloquent, chapters could be written in calligraphy about the vapor you’d become as I breathed you through my body and exhaled you to the wild.  How ridiculous are our 20’s?  Love completely changed my life.  It changed my attitude, my health, my priorities - love literally changed everything.  It’s not complicated like people say; it’s not jealous or obsessive or gut-wrenching.  It’s not loud and dramatic and full of passionate fights, because it doesn’t need to be.  There is nothing worth fighting over that isn’t easily seen as juvenile and there are no situations that cause one to be jealous, because the other is there.  Living in love.

I watch my friends and family members now, and I wonder how many of them truly understand what they’re to find.  Because even when I dreamed of what love could be, I wasn’t close to what came.  I traded writing for love and it would be a lie to say it wasn’t missed.  But something tells me I’ll get through.  

Here’s the thing.

I’m on this leave of absence from work because while doctors test me for some weird diseases and chronic something or others (while also handing me pain pills like candies!) my place of employment refuses to believe I can work the days I’m NOT in testing without firing me.

So, the bottom line is this:

I’m gonna make some youtube videos.  And they’re probably going to really suck and be really terrible but I’M SO TIRED OF DOING REMNANTS OF THINGS instead of some-things.

I also have a fuck load of homework to finish in a week and a half (when semester ends) and I’m three chapters behind in my heaviest workloaded class (fuck online classes forever) but whatever.  Buying a new bra tomorrow, getting contacts!  Soon to become a real person, instead of this alien who wears glasses that are TAPED.  Yes, TAPED.  Unfortunately I’m not the only person at work with scotch tape holding together their eyesight.  In fact, I’m not even one of two.

You can’t make me talk about this anymore, bye.

Update:  I’m too lazy to fix my own driver issue.  No youtubez for me.